If you’re not familiar with the BBQ Pinkie Clutch, you probably don’t eat a lot of good BBQ or Southern fried chicken. I’m sorry.
That makes me sad for you.
My family history being, as it is, from the South (“where the roots go deep and the branches don’t fork…”), I learned, at a young age, the correct techniques for eating a number of local delicacies with my bare hands, and the occasional garden tool. Having been transplanted to “the other coast” for many a’year now, I sometimes find that a few of those lessons have stuck with me.
As I was smackin’ down some chicken that me and the boys had done up on the grill last weekend, I found myself subconsciously using a technique that has served me well for many years…and through many a plate of bbq, and other sauce-laden grub.
So, I thought I’d take this opportunity to give ya’all some edjumacation…
Perk’s Proper Procedure for the “BBQ Pinkie Clutch”
2. When both hands are too slick to hold a rib-bone, go get, as my folks called it, “aroll’a napkins”. (Typically this would be a job for the youngest son, or maybe a real smart dog, ie: “Boy! Go git me aroll’a napkins!”)
3. If your pinkie remains unslathered, proceed to step 4, if not- lick it clean (again, if yer wife ain’t home, you can use the dog for this.)
4. Clutch the roll between your pinkie and the heel of you hand, with the still-slathered fingers and thumb jutting out any away from the roll. If your pinkie immediately starts cramping…you ain’t eatin’ enough bbq.
If you’re extremely talented, you may here perform what’s known as “The Georgia Whirly-Gig” whereby you spin your wrist rapidly, releasing your grip on the roll at the precise correct moment to free up another layer of towels, before clutching it again. This should be left to the professionals, unless you want to end up looking like a drunken moron on YouTube tomorrow.
5. Suck the sauce/drippin’s off the thumb and forefinger of the opposite hand, and tear off a “wad” of paper towels (do NOT try to do this with your mouth…it don’t work), and wipe both hands until you can once again get a good grip on yer food.
6. Repeat until you run out of either paper-towels*, or bbq.
Here endeth the lesson.
*Once you run outta “napkins”, yer pretty much stuck with the dog, but it’s okay, ’cause you’ve been drinking for awhile now.