Tag Archives: humor

Man cannot live on pork alone…

Pork Alone

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by | August 25, 2013 · 10:22 AM

A little foodie humor…

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The BBQ Pinkie Clutch

If you’re not familiar with the BBQ Pinkie Clutch, you probably don’t eat a lot of good BBQ or Southern fried chicken. I’m sorry.

That makes me sad for you.

My family history being, as it is, from the South (“where the roots go deep and the branches don’t fork…”), I learned, at a young age, the correct techniques for eating a number of local delicacies with my bare hands, and the occasional garden tool. Having been transplanted to “the other coast” for many a’year now, I sometimes find that a few of those lessons have stuck with me.

For example…

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Being a food blogger…

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Barbecue is for men!

Everyone knows that barbecue is a man-only sport, right?

For all my fantastic friends of the female persuasion, especially those who “man” the grill, especially Lynn…

Here’s how it works:

1) The woman buys the food.

2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:

4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

5) The woman goes inside to get the plates and cutlery.

6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.

9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

10) Everyone praises the MAN and thanks HIM for his awesome bbq efforts.

11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her “night off.’  Upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women….

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Who NOT to invite to your next barbecue

One of my favorite foodie sites, Cyndi Allison’s (AKA Grill Girl) YES! You can grill! recently posted a hilarious (and frighteningly accurate) list of how NOT to Get Invited to the Neighbor’s Barbecue.

If you host a lot of barbecues, like I do, you’ve probably already dealt with some, if not all, of these personalities. But if you’re new to the scene (or find YOURSELF not getting invited back, lol) take a look at this list. This  recent poll by the Hearth, Patio & Barbecue Association may also give some insight into who NOT to invite to your next gathering, and why.

The HPBA, a national organization based out of Virginia, asked hosts to describe thier “guests from hell” and then created the following humorous list of labels to slap on these backyard Boors.
From the website:

1. Control Freak – Is this a surprise? Who likes someone who shows up and takes over? Even if you do know how to do it better, grab a chair and chill. There’s more than one way to skin a cat, and your barbecue chef will ask if he or she wants to be micromanaged.

2. Slob – Your paper plate does not throw itself into the trash bag. Ditto on your cup. If you slop condiments all over the porch, then someone will be dealing with ants the next day. You weren’t invited to be the clean up crew, but you can certainly do your part.

3. Picky Eater – Barbecue hosts do understand differences in food preferences and also special dietary needs. Most try to be accommodating. There are some guests you can’t please no matter what. If you are one of those guests, then perhaps you should host the party (and cook what you can eat) or beg off and suggest a non-food activity to enjoy with friends at another time.

4. Moocher – There’s one in every community. He or she shows up at every event and never brings a thing or even helps out. This is usually the same person who never hosts either. It doesn’t hurt to ask if you can bring something. Generally the answer is, “No. Just come and enjoy.” Sometimes the host really could use a bag of chips, a bottle of soda or some extra ice. Easy enough.

5. Boastful Bragger – It is very irritating especially for new and struggling grillers to hear about how you’re such a fabulous griller. Fine then. Host your own barbecue. Even though I grill several times a week and host a grill web site and blog, I don’t toot my horn when I’m visiting other grillers. I relax and enjoy not being on the grill. Often I take photos and post my fellow grillers online. I figure it already makes some of my friends and family members a little nervous that outdoor cooking is my specialty area. That’s the last thing I want to bring up if I’m a guest and not the host. If someone does know that I’m Grill Girl and asks for help, I gladly put on some gloves and help. Otherwise, I butt out and talk about something else – like the weather (-:

6. Backseat Griller – If the grill chef wants advice, he or she will ask. If you really are a  master at the grill, it may be hard to back off, but do. We all learn sooner or later. Sometimes mistakes make the biggest impression. Unless the grill is about to blow up, it’s better to bite your tongue and eat the food – such as it may turn out.

Read the entire article, here.

So, If you’ve experienced one or more of these at your own barbecues, and have a funny story to share, please add it to the comments below…and if you’re not getting invited back to you’re neighborhood grill-fests, take another look at the list above!

Happy Q’ing!

-Perry

PS – If you love barbecue, grilling, and great food, and you’re not following YES! You can grill!…you should be! – Perk

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Father’s Day BBQ Etiquette

For many, Father’s day is one of the big BBQ days of the years, therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity .

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all…

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN for the meal and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.


And, and if you’re still wondering what to get your favorite Dad for Father’s day…

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